Back in the good old days of the Australian Public Service (APS), there was a clause in the legislation under which public servants are engaged. It was something like, “…the provision of frank and fearless advice…”. I like this expression. Frank means clear and true (well at least to me) and fearless, well, it means that anyone in the APS providing advice to the Government of the day should be fearless. There should be no dynamic preventing honesty in the advice being provided. They change the legislation and removed the word fearless. I have no idea what it says now as I’m so disheartened by Australian politicisation of the APS I no longer read the legislation. (Yes, I used to read the legislation for fun.)
Yesterday I had a meeting with David in which there was much frank and fearless advice – on both sides. It was while in this exchange I realised something. As tricky and complicated as the relationship with my supervisors is, there is just so much value and trust. This makes the relationship important to my thesis. Without the ability to be fearless David, and Linda, will not be able to provide me important ideas and feedback, but if I can’t be fearless, my thesis will become theirs, not mine. The fact we can all be frank and fearless is sometimes painful – we hear things we don’t necessarily care to – but there is great value for me and my thesis will be stronger for the experience.
As I said in my last post, I actually wrote theory content and this is what David and I discussed yesterday. We have agreed it’s a basis from which to move forward. I also mentioned in the post the work with Leo. We’ve met and have altered my proposal to a point where we think we’ve got a good paper. So, I now have a lot of work to do. A methodology chapter (not yet started), refinement of the Change Chapter (about 65% of the way there) and completion of the theory chapter (about 30% there) as well as data analysis for thesis and for the paper with Leo. All before 31 December. Good thing I quit my full time job yesterday! (Yes – I know rent will need to be paid……I’m sure there’s a job I can find…..anyone hiring?)
As a side note – I’m blaming Bruce again today. Even though I quit my job and have very limited income stream I spent money at Amazon today! I thought I could use the e-book for Logics of Critical Explanation for research, but Bruce spoilt me with all these beautiful books I can hold in my hands, flick through, visualise the page with the information, scribble in and tag up with post-it notes. Damn you Bruce for showing me such beauty!
There was agreement today with David on the title of this post and I can’t for the life of me remember what it was. And unusually I haven’t written it down….what I did write down was amazing stuff.
David and I had a supervisor meeting where we talked theory and I didn’t pout, sulk, get angry, teary or generally behave like a two year old. This is was we call progress. Conversation today was constructive, adult, informative, and I could keep up! Additionally, David suggested some direction and ideas and I was able to state that I’d actually adopted them already to a certain degree demonstrating our brains are finally vaguely on the same page.
The best thing about this same page concept, is that we have both moved. I don’t feel like my supervisor has told me I have to come to his idea of my thesis, and I haven’t dragged him to mine (wasn’t sure I had one to be honest…..). What we’ve done is had my two year old tantrums over theory and found a new page we can both share where we can both see the light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, David may state I have actually come to his page, and he knew I’d get here all along, but this isn’t his blog it’s mine so we’re going with my version of events. (How very post-structural, actually I think it’s post-modern).
Today also saw the return of narrative analysis into my thesis. I’ve been struggling with methodology and the LCE (logic of critical equivalence) but the missing piece of the puzzle came today when David stepped me through the ‘spine’ of my theoretical framework. All this time I’ve thought there was all these different theories I was using when in fact it’s just one – discourse – and everything else is the tools I need to do the research. The framework is the spine on which my research stems, but discourse is the theory, LCE, Laclau and Mouffe, narrative analysis are the way I use discourse theory in my research as the methodology. At least that’s how I understand it after today. Tomorrow might be different. That’s the joy of learning and growing – change is constant.
On 27 March 2016 I submitted my proposal for assessment. Since then I’ve supervisor meetings (two with each) and prepared my presentation speech and slides (and basically finished) and yet all these milestones I normally record here (so I can refer back and so I can prove I did have meetings with my supervisors) I haven’t.
Today, 8 April, I think I’ve worked it out. I’m ready to get going. I’m done with the preparation and I want to get into it. I’ve come to that conclusion because I’m reading Hansard in order to fix an error I’ve found in my proposal (yep already got it wrong!) and as I’m reading Hansard I’ve had to set up Scrivener properly to make sure I’ve got records and I’ve set up my folder for Hansard downloads and that’s made me excited. Not submitting my proposal, not awesome meetings with my supervisors (because they have been!) but the simple act of administration preparing for my real research. I literally have goosebumps. Of course that could because I like being organised and there’s nothing like setting up a new recording system to make me happy, but I also like to think it’s because I can see what I’m going to do.
It’s worth noting at this point two months ago I didn’t know what I was going to do and couldn’t see how to do it ( we all remember the pulling of the February date and my associated guilt – the blog was bad enough, imagine if you knew me in RL). But in a short time the support and care of my supervisors as well as some actual work on my part means I have clarity and can articulate that to others.
This process means I have a new title:
Understanding commodification in university education using the expectations of an undergraduate course in accounting as a case study
I like this title. For the first time I feel comfortable with it. That’s a feeling of excitement. So it’s not milestones like submitting my proposal, it’s little things like administration and titles. Beauty in the little things. Maybe I will make it through this journey!
PS Got knocked back on the journal article, but Leo says we rework a bit and go again! That’s exciting too!
I had a meeting with my secondary supervisor on Monday night to establish firmer ground for me in relation to the process for the proposal in the policy space. As with all my meetings with supervisors it was great. I always learn something new and that’s what makes supervisors who are engaged in your work and who you are as a person amazing. Thanks to Linda I have a clear direction I want to take and this will make the next drafting of my proposal much easier.
This Wednesday I’m presenting for 10 minutes to the new HDR students on how to manage supervisors. Joelle asked me because I offered to help out rather than for any particular design, but I think I’m a good choice. I have the good news story to tell about engaged and supportive supervisors. I also have the story to tell about how important the choice is.
My supervisors have very different world views. I need them both. My thesis exists in a complicated landscape and only but constantly testing my ideas and theory and methodology will my thesis actually survive contact with the real world. It’s not always easy to manage different world views, but for me it is vital. On Wednesday I will share this perspective as well as the perspective I have from other HDR students who have less engaged supervisors and how hard that really is. The supervisor role is a trusted role. If you don’t trust one another then the thesis won’t live to see the real world let alone survive it.
Thanks David and Linda for your amazing, incredible, engaging and very different world views. I need and value you both.
I just sent this email:
I have been reviewing your notes on my proposal and the notes from our discussion yesterday.
I understand you would like only the addition of five things to the proposal however I can’t get past the rewrite of the description of the research. I know you said it didn’t need a rewrite, but it does in the context of the discussion yesterday and the direction I want my research to take.
As such, I am postponing my confirmation from February as I’m currently booked to April.
I’m really hoping you’re in the country that month!
Delaying is not making me happy as this is the first important deadline I’ve set myself and missed, however, I really am not confident in what I have down on paper, I’m not happy with the standard and it’s my reputation I want to make sure is not marred by me trying to make a deadline rather than making sure I understand what I’m doing.
I really thank you for the feedback as it has forced me to ensure I do know what I’m doing and highlighted the need for me to tighten my writing up. This has been a really constructive and useful learning process.
Please let me know if April will work for you, and Linda – are you available that month too?
Sue – would you mind removing me from February and slotting me into April if there’s space!
So, not ideal I’m missing the deadline, but I’d much rather like what I’ve got than feel like I did something less than my standards. This could mean this is going to be a long thesis……writing perfection has no space in research and I get that (just in you never really finish your thesis you just get to the deadline (not my quote)) but there has to be idea perfection and I just don’t have that squared away. I want to know when I face up for my confirmation I have a great handle on my ideas, my questions and purpose. Today, that’s just not there and it’s going to take time to get it back. I’d rather take the time than not, especially as I currently have time, and won’t at the end.
My last meeting with my supervisor (on 23 Dec) ended with him telling me not to work on Christmas day but instead to enjoy myself. Well, I did. It was great. I also met with my coach before the end of the year and he gave me some great advice including structure for my proposal which works for me much better than the one provided by the university. He also gave me a theory framework template which helped me make a leap forward in my understanding. It’s like every now and then someone tells you something or shares something and it’s like your brain grabs hold and goes “Oh! That makes all this other stuff make much more sense now!”. He also gave me a book on theory by Blaikie which really helped piece together missing links too. I don’t agree with his position on postmodernism (spoiler alert Blaikie doesn’t like it) as I think he’s making the complicated more complicated and not realising that by understanding post-modernism is about understanding not explaining, it actually works quite well.
See that’s the break through my brain has had (among others). I finally understand why I’m post-structural (which is not the same as post-modern). I want to understand university education in the context of commodification by understanding the expectations of universities, Government and industry which requires me to understand the political, social and ideological relationships between them. I seek to understand through language, expectations, context and relationships. I don’t want to explain. This makes me post-structural. The language has meaning (hermeneutics) and context of the language in the text, of the text, of the author and reader provides more meaning (structural linguistics) and the social, political and ideological relationships provides more meaning again (post-structural). I will need to take all these steps to conduct my research but at the last, I am looking at the relationships and how they work with and against each other (hegemony).
In the mean time, over the last week I’m supposed to have done a stack of work I’ve not done…I’ve done other stuff which is good and I’ll send onto David for our meeting this week, but it’s not what I’m supposed to have done. Apparently we’re not there yet and confirmation seminar is getting closer….hmmmmm