submission

Excitement is weird

On 27 March 2016 I submitted my proposal for assessment. Since then I’ve supervisor meetings (two with each) and prepared┬ámy presentation speech and slides (and basically finished) and yet all these milestones I normally record here (so I can refer back and so I can prove I did have meetings with my supervisors) I haven’t.

Today, 8 April, I think I’ve worked it out. I’m ready to get going. I’m done with the preparation and I want to get into it. I’ve come to that conclusion because I’m reading Hansard in order to fix an error I’ve found in my proposal (yep already got it wrong!) and as I’m reading Hansard I’ve had to set up Scrivener properly to make sure I’ve got records and I’ve set up my folder for Hansard downloads and that’s made me excited. Not submitting my proposal, not awesome meetings with my supervisors (because they have been!) but the simple act of administration preparing for my real research. I literally have goosebumps. Of course that could because I like being organised and there’s nothing like setting up a new recording system to make me happy, but I also like to think it’s because I can see what I’m going to do.

It’s worth noting at this point two months ago I didn’t know what I was going to do and couldn’t see how to do it ( we all remember the pulling of the February date and my associated guilt – the blog was bad enough, imagine if you knew me in RL). But in a short time the support and care of my supervisors as well as some actual work on my part means I have clarity and can articulate that to others.

This process means I have a new title:

Understanding commodification in university education using the expectations of an undergraduate course in accounting as a case study

I like this title. For the first time I feel comfortable with it. That’s a feeling of excitement. So it’s not milestones like submitting my proposal, it’s little things like administration and titles. Beauty in the little things. Maybe I will make it through this journey!

PS Got knocked back on the journal article, but Leo says we rework a bit and go again! That’s exciting too!

Crying, again, but this time it’s cool!!!!

So, I just got an email saying I am a co-author on a paper submitted to APIRA. I cried because it’s my first foray into the research world and I had the honour and privilege of working with Leo who was kind, and forgiving and because I think the paper is pretty interesting and it’s something I’m proud of.

Even if we aren’t accepted, this is a big milestone for me and it’s just so wonderful! (so naturally I cried….sigh)

Now, back to my edits for my proposal…..ah, the sweet cycle of research.

And so it begins….again…..

Today I’ve prepared my final draft, draft. Yes, that’s right, a draft of my draft and it’s final. Tomorrow I begin my re-write. I’m actually excited. I would have thought all the months I’ve spent writing this stupid proposal I would be sick of it. But I’m not. I’m excited. For the first time in about two months I have a message I want to send. I get it. I know what I want to say, how I want to say it and my draft has all the bits I need. I’ve incorporated the comments I want from the feedback I’ve received, cut a lot out the crap and done a full restructure. And I’m excited.

Tomorrow morning I will get up, make some hot water, and have the draft, draft open and a blank document and I will write. I know this is slightly insane, why not just edit the draft, draft. Well, because my brain doesn’t work that way. It works with the blank supported by the prepared. By tomorrow night I will have a proposal I am confident in, that I would be happy to give to my dad to read, and clearly explains my research, how I will do it, and then what it will do. Yes that’s right, not what I hope to do. What it will do. That’s how confident I am in my draft, draft.

This has been a long journey so god knows how the thesis will be……for those of you who are lovely and support me on FB, thank you, but don’t feel obliged…..I know this is painful! It’s a long seven years, if you need to save your strength feel free. I know I’m not submitted, or even finished on this proposal, but I feel close.

Talking of submitting, a very dear friend of mine, Bilal, submitted his thesis this week. He sent me a photo to prove it (I’m not posting here as I’m technologically challenged across devices and with WordPress on the iPad…). I also saw a Bear deliver an inspiring final seminar. It’s these wonderful people who inspire me. Thanks to you both.

Oh, and the paper I thought my collaborator and I had bailed on appeared for final edit so we are submitting! And he is amazing. He has made a silk purse beyond my wildest dreams. It will have my name on the front but I feel slightly like a fraud….he did most of the work. However, for our next paper (I hope there will be one because our data rocks) I will do more (but maybe that’s what we all say!).