Won’t lie, it’s been a tough couple of weeks. But this morning, in the shower, there was clarity. (Often is – not sure why showers are good thinking time, but they totally are!)
People do PhD’s to become academics. To show the world their smarts. The issue in my research I am finding is the ‘dumbing down’ of all levels of academia so a PhD is no longer really showing your smarts, it really is just a gateway piece of paper to be an academic. So that means anyone gets in now. And recently that has annoyed me as I feel like I’m working so hard, and all I really needed to do was become a favourite of faculty management. Apparently they would have enrolled me, regardless of my ability, and would no doubt support me in such an active fashion I couldn’t possibly fail. This annoys me because it devalues my work.
Then I thought, no. People like that aren’t going to have the full experience of the PhD because they are people who always take the easy road. They aren’t going to grasp the full details or implications of their research. They are going to do what they have to and take the piece of paper, the prize at the end. They are not a giver to society now, and they won’t be a giver just because they have a PhD.
You see, for me a PhD is about giving. Research is how we advance society and my PhD is about trying to address issues in university education. I won’t be an academic (they work way too hard). But I will have a license to publish more research. I will have a piece of paper to show the world I’m allowed to be out there with my position on a topic. I want to give in a way that people might just listen, rather than me just being another person with an opinion.
I had dinner with two academics last week and the conversation we could have about society, and concepts, and how their own research changes them and others in unexpected ways. That’s what givers can do. They can change the world.
So, I need to let go of what I think about other people. I need to let go of a concept of ‘value’ in the work I do and how it compares to that of others. I just need to work, do my thesis my way, show what the research shows in a way my dad can understand, and then keep researching and writing, so maybe I can change the world – just a little.
The sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists are welcome to their ‘take’ attitude. I walk a different path.