In my life I trust people very easily in that I believe they aren’t lying and I believe they want don’t want to harm others. I’m very bad at trusting others to help me. In fact I have a very dear friend trying to help me to learn to not just accept help when it’s offered but to actively seek help when I need it. He’s trying but it’s a long road and I’m very entrenched in my habits.
My last post was very hopeless, this week my post is hopeful. I was offered help and I’ve taken it.
David came up with a bright idea of how to write. Instead of writing a thesis, write 1000 word essays on set topics. At the time I felt so sad because I’d been reduced to him having to pat me on the head and offer a ‘dumbing down’ of the process. However, instead of ignoring his advice as I really wanted to do because I’m like that, I trusted him. Not only do I have one completed essay of which I’m reasonably satisfied, I’m writing my next one on theory and it turns out I know stuff!
Writing in little grabs that are complete in and of themselves is making feel like I understand rather than getting lost in all the ideas trying to come out at once. It’s nice not to feel stupid.
I would like to thank everyone who posted happy thoughts on FB after my last post, but in particular Bruce. He is an amazing person I trust regularly as I read everything he lends me! (well skim read some and heavily notate others). You are all amazing people and I will try to trust more and ask for help.