I’m doing an assignment for the seventh time. It’s actually how I work. When I was writing briefing papers and policy documents I would do about 20 versions. That was before I actually gave it to superiors to review so you can imagine with how many I would end up with!
I’ve worked out that it’s just how my brain likes to process ideas. Each time I write, I find something new. The process is the thinking itself. My problem is though, that I don’t have a story. I don’t know what my thesis story is. I have been reduced to my first paragraph being:
I am going to research how higher education policy choices throughout Australia’s history have led to today’s deregulated market and if this type of market has value for society or only for individuals. The purpose of this research is to: interrogate if it is possible to have an agreed meaning of higher education for policy development, or if it exists only as a hegemonic construct; examine the impacts of public policy decisions on higher education; and to facilitate future debate on the value and purpose of higher education today.
But that’s a different perspective from what I had yesterday and is also really shit writing. I opened with the those words because it was the only way I could think to articulate what I am actually doing. Words are failing me. I can do nothing clever, nothing smart. I can only put ‘i’ at the beginning of sentences. Look at this post for heaven’s sake.
The really depressing thing is my supervisor is amazing with words and the material he’s written for my assignment is perfect. The problem for me is that I’m not sure I understand it and/or that I agree. I don’t know because I don’t know. I feel stupid. It’s going to be a very long eight years.